Hey guys. I just want to talk.
The girl behind me at Donna's ordered a bagel. As I was fixing up my coffee, I heard the barista ask the bagel girl the following question:
"Did we discuss putting cream cheese on your bagel?"
Anything goes!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Office Water Cooler #2
Topic Two: Let's say its raining outside. Since you left your umbrella at home, you want to put the hood of your sweatshirt up in order to shield yourself from the rain.
How do you respond when a coworker says, "Man, when you put your hood up, you look even more like a stalker!" ?
Discuss below.
How do you respond when a coworker says, "Man, when you put your hood up, you look even more like a stalker!" ?
Discuss below.
Friday, March 7, 2008
One Step over the Finkeline
At what point do I decide that Doctor Finkelstein or his older brother have crossed that doctor/patient no-no line?
Listen here. Its not much.
Listen here. Its not much.
Catching up with the Finkmeister
Dr. Finkelstein called again today. Sounded like his office was pretty busy. He barely had a chance to ask me if I had taken my meds before his big brother got on the line to say, "Who dis?"
Of course, I responded, "I don't know. Who dis?" Then he hung up.
Of course, I responded, "I don't know. Who dis?" Then he hung up.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Conversations With Dr. Finkelstein
I didn't do much on Saturday night, but here's what did happen.
[Ring...ring.]
Call #1 (8:38 PM EST)
Me: Hello?
Kid Stranger: [rustling]
Me: Hello?
Kid Stranger: Who this?
Me: Chris.
Kid Stranger: [rustling]
Me : [click]
Call #2 (8:40 PM EST)
[I don't answer.]
Voicemail from Kid Stranger: Chris? [click]
Call #3 (8:41 PM EST)
Me: Hello?
KS: Hello?
Me: I think you have the wrong number.
KS: Is this Chris?
Me: Yes
KS: Chris, this is your doctor calling.
Me: Okay.
KS: I was calling to, uh, tell you, uh, that you have a high blood pressure.
Me: Okay
KS: And that's not good.
Me: I know.
KS: [rustling]
Me: Okay, well, thanks for letting me know.
KS: What? [click]
Call #4 (8:42 PM EST)
Me: Hello?
KS: Chris?
Me: Yes.
KS: Hi. This is your secret agent calling. Someone filed a complaint on the internet saying that you were getting phone calls from an unknown number.
Me: Yeah, I was, but it was just my doctor, so its cool.
KS: No, we're sending some agents over to your house. They'll be there in five minutes.
Me: Okay.
KS: [click]
Call #5 (8:46 PM EST)
Me: Hello?
KS: Chris, this is your special agent calling again. Those agents aren't coming anymore.
Me: Oh, okay.
KS: The police are surrounding your house because someone told them that you have a gun.
Me: What?
KS: You need to come outside with the gun in the next thirty minutes or they're going to burn down your house.
Me: Really? I should get outside, I guess.
KS: Yes. If you come out with the gun, you will only get four years in jail.
Me: Okay, that seems like a fair deal.
KS: Yes, you need to go outside.
Me: Okay, I better get going.
KS: [click]
Call #6 (8:49 PM EST) and Call #7 (8:51 PM EST)
Listen to them simultaneously overtop of each other
Call #8 (9:15 PM EST)
-----------------
And thus concluded Saturday's chat with Dr. Finkelstein.
BONUS Sunday Chat!!!
Call #9 (3:38PM EST)
Me: Hello?
Dr. Finkelstein: Chris?
Me: Yes.
Dr. Finkelstein: Chris, this is your doctor calling.
Me: Dr. Finkelstein?
Dr. Finkelstein: Yes. I was calling to tell you that there's a medicine that you can get that will help you with your crack addiction.
Me: I'm interested in that. Where can I get it?
Finkelstein's assistant in the background: Walgreen's.
Dr. Finkelstein: Walgreen's.
Me: Cool. I'll head there now.
Finkelassistant: Get two of them.
Dr. Finkelstein: Make sure you get two of them, because you'll need a lot.
Me: Thanks, doc.
Dr. Finkelstein: Just make sure you take two of them every night.
Me: Okay.
Dr. Finkelstein: And make sure you have them with a glass of water!
Me: Okay, thanks, Doc.
Dr. Finkelstein: [click]
Call #10 (6:17PM EST)
Me: Hey, doc.
Dr. Finkelstein: [click]
[Ring...ring.]
Call #1 (8:38 PM EST)
Me: Hello?
Kid Stranger: [rustling]
Me: Hello?
Kid Stranger: Who this?
Me: Chris.
Kid Stranger: [rustling]
Me : [click]
Call #2 (8:40 PM EST)
[I don't answer.]
Voicemail from Kid Stranger: Chris? [click]
Call #3 (8:41 PM EST)
Me: Hello?
KS: Hello?
Me: I think you have the wrong number.
KS: Is this Chris?
Me: Yes
KS: Chris, this is your doctor calling.
Me: Okay.
KS: I was calling to, uh, tell you, uh, that you have a high blood pressure.
Me: Okay
KS: And that's not good.
Me: I know.
KS: [rustling]
Me: Okay, well, thanks for letting me know.
KS: What? [click]
Call #4 (8:42 PM EST)
Me: Hello?
KS: Chris?
Me: Yes.
KS: Hi. This is your secret agent calling. Someone filed a complaint on the internet saying that you were getting phone calls from an unknown number.
Me: Yeah, I was, but it was just my doctor, so its cool.
KS: No, we're sending some agents over to your house. They'll be there in five minutes.
Me: Okay.
KS: [click]
Call #5 (8:46 PM EST)
Me: Hello?
KS: Chris, this is your special agent calling again. Those agents aren't coming anymore.
Me: Oh, okay.
KS: The police are surrounding your house because someone told them that you have a gun.
Me: What?
KS: You need to come outside with the gun in the next thirty minutes or they're going to burn down your house.
Me: Really? I should get outside, I guess.
KS: Yes. If you come out with the gun, you will only get four years in jail.
Me: Okay, that seems like a fair deal.
KS: Yes, you need to go outside.
Me: Okay, I better get going.
KS: [click]
Call #6 (8:49 PM EST) and Call #7 (8:51 PM EST)
Listen to them simultaneously overtop of each other
Call #8 (9:15 PM EST)
-----------------
And thus concluded Saturday's chat with Dr. Finkelstein.
BONUS Sunday Chat!!!
Call #9 (3:38PM EST)
Me: Hello?
Dr. Finkelstein: Chris?
Me: Yes.
Dr. Finkelstein: Chris, this is your doctor calling.
Me: Dr. Finkelstein?
Dr. Finkelstein: Yes. I was calling to tell you that there's a medicine that you can get that will help you with your crack addiction.
Me: I'm interested in that. Where can I get it?
Finkelstein's assistant in the background: Walgreen's.
Dr. Finkelstein: Walgreen's.
Me: Cool. I'll head there now.
Finkelassistant: Get two of them.
Dr. Finkelstein: Make sure you get two of them, because you'll need a lot.
Me: Thanks, doc.
Dr. Finkelstein: Just make sure you take two of them every night.
Me: Okay.
Dr. Finkelstein: And make sure you have them with a glass of water!
Me: Okay, thanks, Doc.
Dr. Finkelstein: [click]
Call #10 (6:17PM EST)
Me: Hey, doc.
Dr. Finkelstein: [click]
Friday, February 29, 2008
Office Water Cooler #1
Topic One: How do you respond if a co-worker follows their sneeze with an "Owwwww!!!!!"
Me, I just ignore it.
Discuss below.
Me, I just ignore it.
Discuss below.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
About Last Night's Dream
Last night, I had a dream. It was obviously inspired by Oscar Night, although I can't explain why it happened two nights after the Oscars.
I was in a diner and I noticed Jack Nicholson sitting by himself. Someone had told me earlier in the dream that Jack was super-approachable and that he'd probably love for me to sit down and have a cup of coffee with him. Add that to the fact that everyone else was oblivious that he was there, and I knew that I had to go have a chat with him.
So, I worked my way around the perimeter of the diner to allow myself enough time to collect my thoughts and figure out what my opener was going to be. As I approached his table, who walks into the diner but Tom Hanks!!! Nobody noticed him either. He walks toward me, trying to look inconspicuous. I wanted to play it cool and didn't want to fawn over him, so I decided just to give him a head nod and a tiny greeting.
But instead, I accidentally screamed, "Helllllllllooooooooo Mr. Haaaaaanks!!!!" at the top of my lungs. He gave me a dirty look and rushed past me as swarms of diner patrons start chasing him.
What's more is that Nicholson looked disgusted and shook his head at me.
I was in a diner and I noticed Jack Nicholson sitting by himself. Someone had told me earlier in the dream that Jack was super-approachable and that he'd probably love for me to sit down and have a cup of coffee with him. Add that to the fact that everyone else was oblivious that he was there, and I knew that I had to go have a chat with him.
So, I worked my way around the perimeter of the diner to allow myself enough time to collect my thoughts and figure out what my opener was going to be. As I approached his table, who walks into the diner but Tom Hanks!!! Nobody noticed him either. He walks toward me, trying to look inconspicuous. I wanted to play it cool and didn't want to fawn over him, so I decided just to give him a head nod and a tiny greeting.
But instead, I accidentally screamed, "Helllllllllooooooooo Mr. Haaaaaanks!!!!" at the top of my lungs. He gave me a dirty look and rushed past me as swarms of diner patrons start chasing him.
What's more is that Nicholson looked disgusted and shook his head at me.
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