ISO Geeky Scientists

So, I was thinking of submitting this entry in Persian but reality got the better of me.

Monday night, I'm embarrassed to say, I TiVo'd my first ever program on the History Channel. It was a two hour special called Life After People. I had seen a magazine ad for it which featured a cougar (like a cat) lying on a grown-over Brooklyn Bridge. I tried and I tried, but it seems like no one has submitted this image to the internet yet. Anyhow, I was dying to know how this cougar got onto this bridge.

I started watching last night and I've made it just beyond the hour mark so far. The idea of the show, obviously, is to show what would happen to Earth if one day all of the humans died off. As per usual, there was some dramatic narrator taking us through this trip, but the narrated bits would be interspersed with some really awkardly geeky scientists making cute jokes and explaining why the nuclear power plants would shut off as part of a fail-safe measure after just a day or two, but how the Hoover Dam would keep doing what its doing for six months to a year, because that's a real well-oiled machine that they have set up out there. The unsettling part about these scientist segments would be how the special effects team would make them appear out of thin air and then disappear once they were done with what they were saying. These scientists were creepily ghostly.

Apparently, its bad news for our dogs, first and foremost. The largest blow to their survival rate would be that most of them would be locked inside of our homes, so after they finished the loaf of bread that you left on the counter, they'd be goners. Or most of them would be. These scientists lead me to believe that a good amount of these dogs would decide to jump through windows or figure out the intricate lock/handle mechanisms on our doors. Its additional bad news if your dog has a short or a really long snout. Apparently, they can't fend for themselves. Your best bet is to have a medium size dog with medium sized features.

They riffed some more about animals. "The big question is whether the zoo animals would figure out a way to get out of their cages." They lauded the pigeon's ability to make ends meet. They said nothing would kill the immortal cockroach. They'd eat books and boxes for the rest of their existence (where existence equals forever!!!!!!).

After they went through the motions with the animals (thankfully neglecting to tell me of the fate of the reptile), they moved onto nature and how the weeds would take over the streets, wildfires would kill Rome and Chicago, trees would grow on the tops of houses and Amsterdam and London would be overcome by water.

The geekiest of all scientists was doing his interview by an abandoned outdoor staircase that had had weeds growing on it for nearly 20 years. Sure it was pretty ratty looking, but it was still obviously a staircase. But not after 200 years! Oh no. Geekman says that it would be "nearly impossible" to recognize this as a staircase. Yeah, except when you trip over it and bust your face up on step 4.

Anyhow, I guess I sorta enjoyed what I've seen so far, but my suspension of disbelief is teetering on unsuspension. They never gave a plausible reason for what would kill off the entire human race overnight, yet would leave every other animal species intact. This wasn't painted as a slow kill, because every home still had a household pet and a loaf of bread on the counter, so that discounts some sort of man-only disease.

So, I'm sorta dumb about Chernobyl and thermo nuclear war and global warming and asteroids, but what could possibly kill us all? Maybe we weren't killed? Maybe we were all abducted, because they didn't show any of our dead bodies. Sure, they showed the same clip of the coyote ripping apart that poor dead dear over and over, but when are they going to get clued in to the fact that they can eat these billions of dead people dudes, too?

Thus I ask you, dear readers, what would the circumstances be of such a life after people because I just don't get it.

I'll let you know if they explain it in the second hour.