The Movies That I Saw In 2007

Hi Blog.

I got this idea from a Feminist Blog that I frequent.

Of the gazillion films released in the United States in 2007, I saw 20 of them. 8 were viewed in a real live movie theatre and the other 12 were watched in the comfort of someone's home. More often than not, that home belonged to me. Today, I'll simply list the latter and harp on the former. In most cases, I've forgotten nearly everything about the film, so I'll be dealing in vague generalities.

Anyhow, here's my top 12 films watched via DVD or Magic Download, sorta maybe in some order with the top 6 being significantly better than the bottom 6:

• Sunshine
  
• Zodiac
• Sicko
• Knocked Up
  
• Music & Lyrics
• Hot Fuzz
  
• Blades of Glory
• 28 Weeks Later
• The Simpsons Movie
• Spiderman 3
  
• Evan Almighty
  
• The Number 23

Evan Almighty, not very good, had my favorite moment. You see, this was one of those magic downloads that I watched at an acquaintance's house who does that sort of thing. Anyhow, it seems that the person who initially ripped this movie took a few liberties in order to try to make the movie a little more exciting. There was some boring scene in a bar, where you could see the Daily Show playing on one of the TVs. Well, all of a sudden, that particular TV goes fuzzy, and then this amazing technical genius replaced the original image with his tag and some silly non-sequitors. I think it might have just said Booyah!, but it was the most clever Booyah! that I had ever seen. I was also fearful that this meant that this movie now included some sort of computer virus, but was too giddy over Booyah! to care. At the end of the movie, I told this acquaintance to send $30 to Universal Pictures. He did and then I stopped being friends with him. I don't remember his name and I don't know how to find him.

I have also been renting an un-viewed The Wendell Baker Story from Netflix for over a month now. I'll watch it once I've computed that I've paid over $1000 for the privilege.

Okay, if you're still with me, we'll now move onto the multiplex views. I'll attempt to put them in order of best to worst:

• 300 - This was the worst movie that I've ever seen in my life. From the first time that I saw the trailer, I knew that there was never going to be a dumber movie available for my eyes. You see, my [then] 16 year old out-of-towner cousin came to visit earlier in the year. During his previous visit, he, our uncle and I went to see Nacho Libre, which itself is hardly in a position to be called even a guilty pleasure, but has now, nevertheless, been given a full pardon. When Cousin hit Baltimore again this time around, I knew that the three of us would be seeing another movie together. In my mind, the only thought that I had was "Please don't suggest 300. Please don't suggest 300." Obviously, he's a mindreader and since I couldn't walk out of the theatre, I purposely fell asleep for 20 minutes of the film, only to be awoken by some topless guy screaming something about Xerxes. I didn't find the green screened backdrops awe-inspiring. I thought the dialogue was god awful. And I had zero interest in that portion of dumb history, which seemed to be an opinion that I shared with the filmmakers. Booyah!
  
• Reno 911: Miami - My apologies to the Reno 911 crew for being second only to 300. My mother, the aforementioned uncle and I saw this one on opening day. One of the few Mitch Hedberg jokes that I never fully supported was one about sitcom characters, and how once any 30 minutes episode is over, you never find yourself saying, "I wish I could see that character for another 30 minutes." Well, this movie (and the Simpsons movie, for that matter) finally made me understand what he was talking about. It had a great deal of funny bits, but overall, it was probably 60 minutes too long. Plus the extended masturbation scene was maybe a bit uncomfortable.
  
• The Bourne Ultimatum - I went to see this one with my father and a different uncle. Two guys world reknown for forgetting every detail of every movie that they've ever seen. My dad was really excited to see this one, even though he had never seen the first two. So, even though I had only seen the first of the series, I felt like I was ahead of the curve. My uncle had seen them all! And while we waited patiently in our stadium seats, I asked him to give us a rundown on what happened in the last movie, to which he replied, "I have no idea." For a movie series about brainwashing, I couldn't think of a better target audience. Well, obviously, this has all rubbed off on me, because I have no clue what happened in this movie. There was a lot of running around and neck breaking and car bombs and switcheroos. As we left, my uncle found it in him to say, "It wasn't as good as the last one."
  
• Once - Whew, I finally got away from the family! I saw this with a friend of mine, upon her suggestion. I was out of the loop and it was only my glimpse of a plot outline an hour prior that gave me any clue of what to expect. I can't say that I loved it, but it certainly was worth my time. There was a lot of singing in it. They sang one song a whole lot of times. And at first, I didn't care for the song, but by the time that this street urchin type guy and his broken-vacuum girlfriend scrounged together a band and recorded the song during an all-nighter at the studio, I was really feeling it! Call me stupid, but I love those montages in musiccy movies where the band only has enough money for 8 hours of studio time, but they find a way to pull things together and make a kick ass record!
  
• American Gangster - Family! I didn't mean to see that last movie without you! I saw this one with the father. Denzel. Russell Crowe. Right in my dad's wheelhouse. An ex-girlfriend once described my father as a Russell Crowe type. And I have to agree. Just minus all the phone throwing and fist fights. One day, I imagine that I'll be a Russell Crowe type, myself. Yeah, I liked this one alright. What was it about? Some gangsters or something.
  
• Pan's Labyrinth - Since the aforementioned feminist blog already stole my bit about how its really tough to spell Labyrinth, its tough for me to find much else to say about this one, beyond that I feel bad for not seeing enough subtitles this year. Discounting Reno 911, this was obviously the most beautifully filmed movie that I saw this year. It was so beautiful that I've forgotten completely who I saw this with.
  
• The Darjeeling Limited - It didn't take much for Wes Anderson to fall out of my good graces, and The Life Aquatic did it for me. Not that it was an awful movie. And maybe when I get around to seeing it for a second time, I'll enjoy it immensely. And its not even that I entered that film thinking that Wes Anderson was impervious to imperfections. Against most of my friends' better opinion, I think that Bottle Rocket is pretty much a crappy movie. So, I went into this one with an Everything Goes Bagel attitude. Actually, knowing that Bill Murray had nothing more than a cameo and Mark Mothersbaugh did not do the music, I would call that EverythingGoesBagel-2. Five of us, including another cousin, drove to Bethesda to see this one. The showing that we were shooting for was sold out, so we decided to see the Arbutus sights, read some magazines and eat some potbelly sandwiches. There's so much more involved with this story, so I'll have to make a note to put it all in another blog sometime. Man, these build-ups are becoming increasingly larger than the reviews. Movie good.
  
• Superbad - Of course, the movie that I saw twice this year would be crowned my No. 1. Three of us went to see this the first time? I think? Definitely at least one cousin was involved. Whereas the above filmmaker has disappointed me in the past, the Judd Apatow crowd has yet to offer me a clunker. I mean, maybe I'll never watch Knocked Up or The 40 Year Old Virgin again, but I enjoyed them while I was there. My friend Ddot said that he cried at the end of this movie because it reminded him so much of our high school days. I don't remember us knowing that many girls, but otherwise, I probably agree with him. What made the movie even funnier was when I took my father to see it. I knew he would love it and in advance, I had picked out all of the scenes that I knew he would get all ROFLy over. Low and behold, I was dead-on and I heard him laugh maniacally and he slapped me on the shoulder at all the right moments. Typically, you don't picture Russell Crowe laughing and shoulder-slapping maniacally, but I respectfully ask you to reconsider.

This blog took me three point five hours to type. I'm really sorry.

False Perceptions of Adulthood #1, #2 and #3

Over the last few weeks, in random unrelated conversations, I've stumbled upon various forgotten items. Items was a weird word choice, but I'm not in the business of fixing it just yet. Maybe in a future edit.

What I'm trying to say is that when I was a kid, I had these notions of what I'd be seeing a lot of once I turned into an adult. These assumptions were based mainly on Hollywood, but a few of them, I had convinced myself that they were happening on my own block or even in my own home, just barely removed from my peripheral vision.

So, I thought I'd tackle some of these as I'm reminded of them. I have three of them for today. I'll probably never do this feature again.

1. Ski masks - I'm pretty sure that my six year old self had one of these bad boys, but again, I might just be confusing myself with Dennis the Menace or some joker like that. That said, my vague recollection is that the ski mask didn't work as well as you'd expect. It seems like a impenetrable force, but I recall that whenever I took it off, it would essentially become a leaky bag of snow. I guess I never really paid attention to the adult fashion of winter when I was a child, but I'm sure that things were running rampant all over the place. I'd be really interested in wearing one of these things again. Just as my swimming trunks are filled with less sand when I return home from the beach these days, I'm sure that the interior of my ski mask would be equally less snowy. I refuse to accept that bank robbers have given these things a bad name. Bank robbers have been around forever and I'm certain that bank robbers and ski masks co-existed for centuries and centuries. Does anyone run a Sunny's Surplus or a gang? I'd settle for some pantyhose, even.
2. Cuckoo Clocks - As a kid, I was convinced that my grandparent's Grandfather clock (did that just blow your mind?) was actually a cuckoo clock and that I was just never around when the little bird popped out and walked around a bit. I wasn't tuned into the concept that the EVENT was to happen at the top of the hour. And every time that large bell in its chest cavity rang, it never occurred to me that the bell was the sole purpose of this clock. I just assumed it was an added perk. Anyhow, I thought my grandparents were even more special because of this clock. Cuckoo clocks seemed like something only a wealthy game hunter could own. I prayed that by the time that I was older, they'd be much more affordable to the common man. And that there'd even be watch-sized versions of them. And look where we really are...round wall-hangers with guitars or trains in place of each number, that resound with a distinct riff or toot at the turn of each hour. Color me disappointed in clock choices.
3. Telescopes that Spy On Neighbors - Look, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not one of these people. But, I'd at least like to have a buddy who did this sort of thing.

Alright! That was fun, right?

Christmas Tune Up

Last December, I had a plan. I was going to embark on the most gigantic Christmas music shopping spree that any man has ever embarked upon. I knew that by the time that I was finished collecting all of the music, Christmas 2006 would be over, but I was planning for the future. I wanted Christmas 2007 to be more Silver Belly than ever. And as far as my January 2007 self was concerned, this plan was deemed a huge success.

It was only this month when I realized that last year, I had only procured a Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra CD, in addition to importing my copy of New Wave X-mas into iTunes. This was disheartening. I had honestly fooled myself into believing that I had already cornered the market on Christmas music.

So, I quickly ran out and bought an Elvis and Dean Martin Christmas CD to try to make my Christmas spirit feel better. Well, it helped a bit. But not a lot.

So, on Friday night, I pushed an internet button that would fetch over 9GB of Christmas music and drop them onto my Macbook. Like, total legal stuff. Well, Monday night, the download was complete and I had like 130 new Christmas albums to decide if I wanted to keep or not. There's plenty of no-brainers in here. Kenny and Dolly. John Denver and the Muppets. Sesame Street. Doris Day. Merle Haggard. Chris Isaak. And a lot of stuff that I had never expected to be bundled. Like the Belle and Sebastian Christmas Peel Session or the R.E.M. Christmas Fanclub album or the compilation of Japanese Christmas songs.

I could get snobby about the bit rate being too low on some of this stuff, but I won't. I'm appreciative that this internet button allowed me such a collection.

Now, here's my conundrum. Will I offend the internet by deleting out all of the junk? No offense to the fans in the audience, but I don't really care to have the 98 Degrees Christmas Album...or Charlotte Church...or Skinkhead Xmas. I've given plenty of benefits of doubt. Alan Jackson? Alright. Barbra? Yeah, you can come along too. Star Wars Holiday Album? Okay, but I'm going to have to put you on "Skip When Shuffling." And don't tell anyone this, but I gave Amy Grant a fifteen minute window of opportunity.

So, I've sorted out the great, the guilty pleasures and the awful. Now, I'm left with 60 or 70 albums that I still need to figure out. There's an oodle of compilations, and I'll have to be careful to avoid having too many duplicate instances of the same song. And then I have to decide how I feel about Mannheim Steamroller and whatever that other band is called that sounds just like them. But what's more intriguing are the 15 or so albums by artists with a lot of odd characters in their names. At first glance, they look Scandinavian and I'm happy.

Hanging out with bloggers

Hello,

[editor's note: sorry for all of the italics and commas in this one]

You all might not know this, but once you're deep in the Blogger Community, there's some certain lingo that you inevitably pick up. I'll delve into the lesserknowns in some other blog (once I learn them), but I'll fill you in on the most important one first. You see, when you're hanging out with your blogger friends at a drinking bar, as a point of entry into a blog-based conversation, one of you must say, "I'm digging the blog." Then that opens up the door to all sorts of stuff.

The humorous coda to this pointless entry is this: Last night at the bar, a longtime blogging friend said "I'm digging the blog" to me. Being that this was the first that I had heard of this phrase, I misheard him as saying, "I'm dating a blond." Which he is, but I knew this, so it seemed like an odd ice-breaker to me. I gave him the old Its like you don't even know me cold shoulder for the rest of the night.

Later in the night, after I had realized the trick that my ears had played on me, I tried my luck with this great one-liner to one-half of my new favorite blogging tandem. And low-and-behold, his response was, "When did you go to the Block??!?"

Okay, now you try!

Reader Mailbag #1

Miscellaneous cab rider writes:
Hey sir. So I was the guy who got out of the cab out in front of your office building. Anyhow, I pulled you aside to ask how many blocks away Light Street was. I suggested that it was 2 blocks away, but you told me it was "at least four blocks away." Well, as it turns out, it was only two blocks AND it was in a different direction than the one which you pointed me in. Why did you do this to me?

Chris writes:
I'm so sorry, Mister!

Christmas Shopping Done!

The first of my frantic thoughts this morning was that I haven't done a lick of Christmas shopping yet. Now, I'm wondering if I shouldn't just cut my losses and tell my mom and dad that I'll catch up with them next time around?

You see, I like the idea of Christmas presents and I especially like the idea of buying less merchandise and more experience. Ever since I began the streamlining process of my life and belongings, I can't, in good conscience, bring myself to buy any clutterish item for anyone that I love. Plus, they're getting clutter from everyone else, anyhow. In the instance of my mother, my brother and I have already given her the gift of a bunch of junk out in the garage that we were too lazy to root/route through when we moved out. Perhaps my gift will be to remove all of that junk from the garage? Probably still lazy though.

The problem is that I'm all out of good ideas. I'd settle for merchandise at this point. For the first time, I asked my mother what she wanted and she said she'd be satisfied with some Starbucks gift cards. Well, its nice that I asked, but I'm not quite at the point in my life where I'll settle for buying someone a gift that they explicitly told me that they wanted. I prefer that they give me the occasional hints and I have to use my beautiful mind to put the tips together.

Okay, if you believe me or not, it's inconsequential to me, but...During the process of typing this entry, I've recalled one possible idea for each of my two (!) parents.

For my dad...well, he's going to be spending a lot of time in Norfolk over the next year for work stuffs. So much time that he's even rented an apartment there. So, my idea isn't too specific yet, but there's gotta be a lead here somewhere. Something perfect for a one year apartment rental? Some sort of gift certificate to some sort of premiere Norfolk dining establishment? Any Norfolkers in the audience?

For my mom, she's in love with the Ace of Cakes. Even if I would have looked into this three months ago, I know it would have been foolish for me to expect them to be available to bake my mother a Muppets themed cake for Christmas. That said, its a great idea for her birthday in June, right? Well, no, because they're already booked for the week leading up to her birthday. Shoot.

As for you, my lovely friends? Well, I'm taking you to Chile's again and will be flipping the cost for however many funny colored drinks that your little heart could desire.