A Series of Confessions

Hi America.

Remember last Halloween when you were leaving that pizza shop and found that unopened bag of fun-size Starbursts and Skittles on the sidewalk? I put those there for you.

And remember on Fat Tuesday, when you were a homeless man and you found that sealed box of Polish bow-tied kruschickis sitting on those steps? I figured you'd like those.

Oh, and remember when after that long, hard day of work, when you were dreading going home to clean your shower because you knew you were all out of that Scrubble Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner liquid? Well, I left some by that trash can in our joint garage for you. Hope it works better for you than it did for me.

And finally, to you, Garbage man. I hope my that my old Club didn't make that trash bag too heavy for you. Sorry I didn't leave the key, but I trust you'll find that any old key will work fine with it.

I'm glad I got that off of my chest.