my favorite SNL bit of all time

Hi everyone.

Most of you who read this have probably already been shown this video today, so this an anti-climatic blog post. But these posts are few and far between so I have to show you things that make me laugh when they do.

This sketch is called "Connie Stinson Talks" and stars Christopher Walken. I remember seeing it when it originally aired. The Fischer brothers and I were obsessed with it and our band Salad Days recorded an impromptu album ("Where Fresh Is The Taste") one night with songs that were littered with references to hot slices of stinkin' hog flesh.

Upon researching the sketch, I discovered that its never aired again since the original broadcast. I don't know why. Its a little longer than your typical sketch, but its not about Puerto Rican Day or anything.

Anyhow, there's one crappy video-dub of it online at this link . I've embedded it below. The quality is awful but its worth it, I hope.



Love,
Poor Poor Pitiful Me

p.s. here's a transcript for the hell of it.

A Series of Confessions

Hi America.

Remember last Halloween when you were leaving that pizza shop and found that unopened bag of fun-size Starbursts and Skittles on the sidewalk? I put those there for you.

And remember on Fat Tuesday, when you were a homeless man and you found that sealed box of Polish bow-tied kruschickis sitting on those steps? I figured you'd like those.

Oh, and remember when after that long, hard day of work, when you were dreading going home to clean your shower because you knew you were all out of that Scrubble Bubbles Automatic Shower Cleaner liquid? Well, I left some by that trash can in our joint garage for you. Hope it works better for you than it did for me.

And finally, to you, Garbage man. I hope my that my old Club didn't make that trash bag too heavy for you. Sorry I didn't leave the key, but I trust you'll find that any old key will work fine with it.

I'm glad I got that off of my chest.

Sports Talk

Hey everyone. I want to start a snarky sports talk radio show, but I'm having a hard time finding a loud-mouth, strongly opinionated guy named Mike. Any help?

Neverending String Dream 2008 Part 7

It was a blink and you'll miss it moment...

I'm sitting there. String comes out. I immediately turn to the woman sitting next to me and say, "Pull at this!" She did. It never ended. She said, "That's weird!"

And.....scene!

Neverending String Dream Tally 2008: 7

Songtown - Vol. 15 (Field Of Dreams)

Hi everyone. Welcome back to Songtown. I took a break a much needed break from songs.

New format, I'm not doing that block party listing of album/artist/year information anymore. Not today anyhow.

In fact, for the last month, I've forced myself to listen to only new music. I set up my iPhone to only play songs that qualify under these two conditions:

• added to iTunes in the past 3 months
• rating equals zero stars, which should mean that I'm unfamiliar with the songs.

Off course, occasionally, there was a Super Hit of the Seventies that I didn't realize that I knew simply by song title. So, those were the exceptions. Like when Andrew Gold's "Thank You For Being A Friend" popped on.



That's a great song. Find more than 13 seconds of the song, and you'll like it even more.

Anyhow, yesterday morning, I started listening to music the old way again. A big time shuffle of new stuff and all of my old personal favorites. Anyhow, I didn't realize how much I missed it. The first song that came on was this one by the Primary 5. Field of Dreams, its called, and I must say that I got fairly emotional over it.

Bye!

Neverending String Dream 2008 Parts 5 and 6

So, I forgot to tell you, but I had the string dream last week again. Forgettable circumstances.

And then, last night I had another one. This time, the string was coming from a tiny hole right behind my top two front teeth. By "top two" I mean literally the top two. Not my favorite two teeth. Although if I had to pick my favorite teeth, it would probably also be those two.

For the first time ever, I tried to cut the string with a pair of scissors. I knew it wouldn't totally solve the problem, but if I could cut it close enough so that it wouldn't be that noticeable to my tongue, I would have been fine with it. Of course, it was really hard to cut the string and for the most part, I didn't succeed. The string would fold horizontally along with the blades so it wouldn't cut. It was a similar feeling to when I was a young left-handed child attempting to use right-handed scissors.

There was also another sub-plot where a bunch of friends and I were running up the stairs of a 26 story building try to figure out why each level seemed so "dream-like." There was a narrator who was trying to convince us that it was a dream and that in order to wake up, we needed to jump off the building. No fucking way, dude! I wound up waking up by simply sleeping enough.

The narrator/kill yourself storyline was inspired by a popular television series with a title based on a popular "glam rock" song name. I won't tell you which show/song it was because it might spoil it if you ever decide to check it out.

This was not a cry for help. I'm fine!!!

Neverending String Dream Tally 2008: 6

Friday Quickfire #1

Hey guys. I just want to talk.

The girl behind me at Donna's ordered a bagel. As I was fixing up my coffee, I heard the barista ask the bagel girl the following question:

"Did we discuss putting cream cheese on your bagel?"

Anything goes!