Songtown - Vol. 7 (Kitty Can)

Artist: The Bee Gees
Song: Kitty Can
Album: Idea
Year: 1968
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As a kid, I would cringe whenever my mother would talk about or listen to the Brothers Gibb. They were just some lame ass high-singing disco band with ridiculously poofy hair. Tom Petty, Cat Stevens, Jackson Browne. I could get down with them, but I never understood her fascination with the Gibbs, or with Neil Diamond for that matter. So now, it only makes sense that I listen to the Bee Gees more than I listen to the Beatles.

First off, let's look at how these guys have aged phsyically. Not well, I'm afraid. I just typed up an exposé on how the bros have turned from goofy cute to extremely creepy over the last 40 years, but it was suffering royally, so I ix-nayed that route/route. But do a Google search and you'll see that Barry used to be a bonafide heartthrob in early years, even through the disco era. And that Robin...well, that dude is simply very interesting to look at.

Anyhow, the song. "Kitty Can" comes off of their third album, Idea, a period when they were just the poor man's Fab Three.

Man, do I still have to type about this song? I've now been listening to this song for an hour straight, and I still love it, but man...I'd love to hear something else. Alright, I'll trudge through.

I should note that this is not the "album version," but instead an exquisite alternate mix made available on a reissue from a couple years ago. I won't go into the differences, but there's a lot more going on in this version. Some horns. Some more violin. Some nonsensical whispering and vocaling.

So, the drums. Listen to these drums. When they first enter the verse, you think that something has gone terribly wrong and the drummer most definitely fucked up. But no, he's just doing something interesting! When I learn to play drums as a middle aged man, I'll play this one first.

The song tells the age-old story of a guy who's trying to decide between two girls. The first verse harps on Kitty. The narrator thinks that Kitty is the bees knees, except maybe that he lets his emotions get a little too wound up in hers:

When Kitty smiles, the world stands still
I see a thousand golden daffodils
But when she cries, the world just dies
I see a million tears in Kitty's eyes

There's nothing better than when Kitty is happy, but when she's not, oh God, it just hurts so much. And then there's the second verse which is all about Eve. Eve is a nightmare.

Now Eve is bad and treats me cruel
She loves to see me looking like a fool
I find a way with words I say
To be in love in such a lonely way

She's exactly the type of person you want to keep away from. There's no redeeming qualities here. The choruses further drive home the idea that Eve shouldn't even be spoken about in the same song as Kitty. "Eve never pleases me and Kitty can." Which makes the last verse particularly complexing:

Now they are two and I am one
I cannot fall in love with everyone
So I must choose between the two
Made up my mind, now I am choosing you

How could you even be confused? Eve is the devil. She's an awful human being. A trainwreck. Kitty offers everything to you! Sure, she gets sad sometimes and since you're so in love with her, you can't help but magnify the situation, but come on! Get over it, Barry!

And look at that last line of the third verse. " Made up my mind, now I am choosing you." Are you singing to "you" simply because it rhymes with "two" or is there some deeper meaning here? You couldn't possibly be thinking about choosing Beevesabub, could you? I know. You won't be the first and you won't be the last to settle down with someone who does nothing but berates you. But that typically comes from desperation. Why would you be so desperate? Are you already married to Eve? What's wrong with Kitty? Is she dying? Is she married? Are you two related?

Or could the "you" be a third? Is there someone else in the picture?

I'm not entirely sure when I stopped talking to the readers and started yelling at Barry Gibb.